Stages of alternate cancer treatment

Step one: laugh at girlfriend for being semi vegetarian claiming that meat is a superior food.
Step two: return with tail between legs after reading that animal protein is bad for chronic disease.
Step three: cut out meat.
Step four: cut out dairy.
Step five: struggle with diet.
Step six: overcome struggle by deciding that you are a radical ethical vegan.
Step seven: start judging people in supermarkets. Mumble things like “meat mumble mumble mumble murder”. This has the added benefit of making any line you choose shorter when you join it.
Step eight: cut out sugar, all refined foods and anything that is not organic.
Step nine: struggle to find food. Consider briefly moving to the woods and living a life with the squirrels.
Step ten: discover you can’t eat acorns and that squirrels make for poor company. Move back to society and resign yourself to paying way to much for small organic broccoli.
Step eleven: start juicing everything under the sun. Discover the joy of celery and kale juice.
Step twelve: stop using soap or shampoo. Try and convince friends that you don’t know what that smell is.
Step thirteen: take up meditation. Contemplate how you could ever use a line like “you know I can sit and contemplate the nature of my soul for hours” to pick up somebody in a bar.
Step fourteen: start a blog where you muse on life the universe and everything and force close family members to read it to improve your view count.
Step fifteen: step back, smile, and realise how amazing all these things that you thought of a inconveniences have become wonderful parts of your life.

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About jeromepink

I am slightly taller than average, have brown hair, enjoy rock climbing, and got told I would be dead within 5 years in 2010. I have chosen to disregard this :P
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9 Responses to Stages of alternate cancer treatment

  1. Hannah says:

    Love love love it 🙂 Does this mean I get to count as close family? Surely all those years of Friday night clarinet ensemble with sugar-tea breaks count for something 😉

    • jeromepink says:

      Oh, I suspect anybody I used to routienly spend Friday night with playing clarinet ensemble music with is like a blood brother or sister. Glad you liked the post. It was really good in my mind but half way through I started to worry that it was not coming out right. Catch up soon? fb me.

  2. Sam says:

    Mate that is the first thing that is made me smile in two days, you sir are a magician!

  3. Sam says:

    Mate that is the first thing that has made me smile in two days. Maybe I need a fifteen step plan for writing my thesis, you are a constant source of inspiration 🙂

    • jeromepink says:

      Thanks mate. We all need a fifteen step plan, and remember that living with nature is always an option, no matter how much it seems like it may not be 😛

  4. Cristina says:

    Brilliant! Am hoping for juice porn pics… too much?
    I used an egg (as shampoo) and vinegar (conditioner) to wash my hair for a while. I guess you could use ‘no egg’?

    • jeromepink says:

      Juice porn eh? I’m sure I can manage that. Add it to the pH diet post I have already promised (Which I will deliver on as soon as I get a chance).

  5. Cristina says:

    No rush on the pH post – especially if you have changed focus for now. I found out a bit so I have a rough googley idea. Documentary very eye opening, very frustrating. I hope Marshall Protocol is feeling ok.

    • jeromepink says:

      Cool, I will do it as it still something I do. My Focus has changed a bit but mainly because I have run out of pH test strips 😛

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