I can not keep doing this. I am falling apart. Every day I can see the tumours are bigger. Every day I feel weaker. I panic and turn down a new path only to vere onto a new course seconds later. Why can I not just die in peace. Everything is in my head and I can’t make it stop. I long to rest. I long to sit by the road watch the traffic float past. But instead I push a door that has never opened for me before. Struggling to get out of the rain.