So I am going in for radiation planning this morning. I know that I need to do something to get stuff under control but I could no be less keen to go. The experience will be uncomfortable, unpersonable and naked (literally). It all just seems like such a kick in the face to have gone through so much only to have to go back and do the worst parts of it again but this time with very little hope. I still think I can survive but more and more I can not see the way that this can be achieved. It is easy to find strength where there is hope but weakness breeds in dark places.
On the positive side I have started exercising again. I crutch around the block and am getting stronger at doing so. Also the edema build up after the exercise has been reducing.
Hope you are all well.