Monthly Archives: August 2011


I am very tired. I sleep about 12 hours a day but I am still tired. My pain is down, then it is up again. I an struggling to get a grip on the situation. Things look good, but I … Continue reading

Posted in Update | 4 Comments

Leave everything behind and be free

“in the end she died so quickly that she left everything behind and was free”. My poor recollection of the words of a dancer about the death of Pina Bausch in the movie “Pina”. Those words got me. I cried … Continue reading

Posted in Inner peace | 1 Comment


Thank you to all who have read and commented on posts. I have read and loved every one. If you havn’t commended no problem. Thank you always for reading. I write for myself but it is comforting to know that … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Changing room

I sit in the changing room at the hospital. Nameless blue gown barely pretending to cover me, head in my hands, tears running down my cheeks. I cry for so many things that I could never describe them all. I … Continue reading

Posted in Mental Health | 6 Comments


I can not describe or understand how I can be so angry and yet not at the same time. I think of climbing, my friends, my children (clearly the idea, not the reality,) and suddenly I am so angry I … Continue reading

Posted in Mental Health | 1 Comment


Wake, eat, radiation, sleep, eat, sleep, move, take pills, recover, eat, watch tv, sleep. And again. And again. I tire of this. I tire of that. Yet sleep is already dominant.

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My leg hurts. I am exhausted all the time. The tumours are shrinking but my god they are leaving a mess behind. I feel sick. I feel depressed. I just want to curl up in a ball and not talk … Continue reading

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Universal truths about an alternate cancer lifestyle

Just a quick look at things I gave found universally true, at least in my limited experience. Forbidden food will never tast as good in reality as it does in your memory. Alternate cures will almost never work as well … Continue reading

Posted in Random Literature | 4 Comments


Anger bubbles and simmers beneath the surface. Ventings off steam, hinting at it’s power. I try and accept this anger, to understand that it is real, but what good does this do. For this anger is not meant for a … Continue reading

Posted in Mental Health, Random Literature | 1 Comment


Life swirls into a colourfull blur. Blues, reds, greens. Black and white mixing together into a monotonous grey that covers everything. Brief swirls of bright, luminous colour jump out at you before fading gently back into the grey existence that … Continue reading

Posted in Random Literature | 1 Comment