Monthly Archives: September 2011

I am ready to die but I am not ready to be dying. FUCK. I am sick of this. Nobody should go through this. It is beyond shit.

I am so angry. I am trying to get off pain killers and suddenly everything looks so grim. STOP FUCKING TOYING WITH ME

Life is hard and short. But it is so for everybody. In the end the fear of dying is just an extension of our confusion about why we are here. Religion puts a neat solution into the hands of many … Continue reading →

I dream of grassy fields, a babbling stream running through. The spring sun is gentle and must certainly have coordinated with the breeze. Insects buzz and hum. A limestone cliff gently overhangs a corner of the field. A picnic in … Continue reading →

Give me an external foe. Something I can rage against in the flesh. Let my enemy stand in front of me and look me in the eye. I am sick of squinting into shadows only to see the ghost of … Continue reading →

It’s so real I can almost touch it. Death hangs over me like cheese dripping off an over greased piece if pizza. Like alcohol off the breath of a bored and scared teenager. Everywhere I look there are reminders of … Continue reading →

I feel that sometimes I only write when I am feeling particularly down and in need of a release.  As a result I probably give the impression that I am angry or depressed most of the time.  In the interests … Continue reading →

Sometimes I seek comfort in the idea that consciousness might not end with this life.  It is not an idea I believe in strongly however it is something I consider possible.  However just now something struck me, I take very … Continue reading →

There is a cluster of new tumours above the outside of my left knee.  My ankle is causing me more and more problems.  I am becoming increasingly dependent on pain killers. I broke down a lot today. Even writing this is hard. … Continue reading →

As I sit on the toilet, I shiver with the cold.  Nausea, induced by corrupt bowel condition, sweeps over my already degraded body.  I shrug the towel higher around my neck only to realise that this comforting motion only moves … Continue reading →