Monthly Archives: November 2011

Had a bit of a panic attack tomorrow.  Did some work around the house.  Because of the breathing difficulties I get out of breath very fast.  Sat down, and had real trouble catching my breath.  Suddenly panic took over, not … Continue reading →

Breathing has got worse fast. Five days ago it was on my mind but quite easy. Now I am wheezing and struggling to get enough air. Also feel like my anus is on fire, hence the 430 blog post. Having … Continue reading →

I still think that I could survive. Sometimes more than others but I certainly think there is some hope. Nothing really of substance to write but I feel that often the times of hope get lost because they are not … Continue reading →

Wake, pill, relief, couch, book, tv, food, enema, fear, shower, fear, couch, book, tv, pill, relief, bed, hate, sleep, repeat. I am amazed at my level of health considering the progression out disease. I am convinced that the best thing … Continue reading →

I look back to two showers in late 2008. Struggling with my life direction a shower is an escape. A cleansing and pure experience. In the first I glance down and think to myself “my lymph nodes are up”. I … Continue reading →

Its amazing what brings it all home.  I just opened the door and the day is cool and fresh.  I thought of all the days like this that I have gone climbing with good friends and I got really sad. … Continue reading →

I have two lumps on my left testicle. Enough.

I approach a readiness for death that is new. There is almost a sense if nervous excitement. That feeling you get when being thrown into a new and completely unknown situation which has the possibility to either destroy or make … Continue reading →