Day

Wake, pill, relief, couch, book, tv, food, enema, fear, shower, fear, couch, book, tv, pill, relief, bed, hate, sleep, repeat.
I am amazed at my level of health considering the progression out disease. I am convinced that the best thing I have done is the diet and lifestyle. Every time I do something the oncologist wants me to do things get worse. Radiation sent things crazy. There is no profession I hate more. This hate is completely unfair but true.
I feel I am pretty much ready to die and yet despite finding new tumors what seems like every day (it is not that often) I don’t seem to be getting more sick. This seems a good thing, and mostly it is. But if there is one thing I been can not stand it is to degrade to nothing while still living. A broken mind in a healthy body and a healthy mind in a broken body is my worst nightmare. It terrifies me that if my situation gets so bad I am in constant pain nobody can help me end it. The laws in this country disgust me. I must admit my hope for survival is almost gone. I stay on the mp but I feel it’s too little too late.
In the end I am tired. Three years of this has drained me of all my reserves. I have been the main driving force and I am tired. So tired.
Melbourne next week. There is little I would want to do less. I hate it, I really hate it.

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About jeromepink

I am slightly taller than average, have brown hair, enjoy rock climbing, and got told I would be dead within 5 years in 2010. I have chosen to disregard this :P
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2 Responses to Day

  1. And fair enough too Jerome. I reckon I’d hate it too. Three years is a long time to live with something like this – you are doing amazingly with your managing and coping. Good luck in Melbourne!

  2. Nicole says:

    I would def hate it, My oncology appointments make me sick to go, a lot of gas and waste of time for them to call me fat and tell me my cancer is going to come back if i do not lose weight…I am overweight but under 200 pounds, and i am only over due to their “therapy” for fibromyalgia, In which i was told i was severely depressed because i could not understand the pain and suffering that I had to live with now that i “beat” cancer, two years later after still telling them i did not feel right and was harder for me to walk and climb stairs and the rain and cold made it worse I finally found that I am not a nut case after all but now have degenerative arthritis that they would not even look for anything because fibromyalgia answers all pain now…have not been back yet but i am sure my time is coming for me to smile in their face for caring so well for me
    I hope you are doing better spiritually, that is what you should focus on, let God have it all!

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