Had a bit of a panic attack tomorrow.  Did some work around the house.  Because of the breathing difficulties I get out of breath very fast.  Sat down, and had real trouble catching my breath.  Suddenly panic took over, not because I thought I was going to die then and there but because I realised that at the end it might be weeks of feeling just like I did then.  It felt like it does when you try and swim underwater for a lap and at the end all you can feel is pain pulsing through your whole body.  Except it would feel like that all the time. Possibly for days.  That thought made breathing more difficult and I ended up this close to turning the table over and running around like a headless chicken.  Of course this would have done nothing and sense prevailed and I sat there and breathed deeply.  The only problem with that is breathing deeply also reminds me (via the wheezing) that I can’t breath well.  Panic stuck around for a fair bit, I couldn’t concentrate on reading my book so I watched TV.  Still don’t feel like I can concentrate but I am bored with TV.  It is a strange complaint considering what is going on but I feel really stupid sitting here watching TV I am bored with, there must be something more exciting I could be doing.

Breathing a lot better now.  Not sure why, maybe just because I have been resting.  Also had a bit of a nap.  Have not been sleeping well and this has been making the breathing much worse.  A week ago there was something wrong with my breathing but it did not concern me.  Now it seems to have got so much worse very fast.  It also seems to be happening around the same time that the MP would be really kicking into gear so I am wondering if it has something to do with that.  I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Nothing new or exciting to report.  All in all a pretty boring post.  The panic attack did not feel good.  In fact at the time it felt horrible, and it made me dread the idea of spending weeks feeling like that.  I guess if it gets to that I will demand to be put under a lot of sedation to escape the feeling but it is scary to think about.  Hopefully it does not come to that.

Anyway, going to try and read again.  Hopefully I can concentrate now.

About jeromepink

I am slightly taller than average, have brown hair, enjoy rock climbing, and got told I would be dead within 5 years in 2010. I have chosen to disregard this :P
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5 Responses to Update

  1. Glad the attack didn’t last long Jerome … not pleasant at all. Thanks for sharing … and hoping you don’t have any more of those!

  2. Nicole says:

    Panic attacks can be very scary. I hope you do not have ongoing miserable breathing issues, it is not a comfortable feeling. I am praying that you have a peaceful and restful day! Sleep when you can, may be that you have to reverse regular schedule to rest. up all night down all day.

  3. Judy says:

    Jerome, it is a privilege to read your blog. I marvel at you sharing your experience so openly. It is horrible and cruel and unfair and we wish it wasn’t happening to you. Love Judy and the Connollys

  4. Ro says:

    Hey Jerome,

    I know that feeling, it is pretty scary to feel like you’re suffocating. Hope it’s related to the marshall protocol kicking in.


  5. Cristina says:

    ‘Unconditional love’ from This American Life archives was an amazing program… etc. Are we selling it hard enough?

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