Hospital

I sit in the hospital with oxygen flowing through a small plastic tube into my nose. All of a sudden people have caught onto the fact that I can not breath. Two weeks ago they saw oxygen levels at around 88% and they said take some deep breaths. Now they see it and say, “shit, that’s not good” and put me on oxygen.
The disease has spread throughout my lungs. I hear this and it is too much. I have gone through so much, I guess I just figured that dying would be the easy party. Now it looks like being the hardest part of all. Have I not been through enough? I know that is a stupid, question but I wanted so badly to live. None of this is fair, and it makes me angry. Why must this part be so hard? When did all of this happen?

Three years ago, almost to the day I climbed the largest single cliff in australia (not the most difficult). Today I sit here, and can’t even cry because it takes too much of my breath away. Death scares the shit out of me, the only thing that scares me nearly as much is living through this. I have nowhere to go. Nothing to fall back on. I just want to go home. I just want to be left alone.

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About jeromepink

I am slightly taller than average, have brown hair, enjoy rock climbing, and got told I would be dead within 5 years in 2010. I have chosen to disregard this :P
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7 Responses to Hospital

  1. Not stupid at all Jerome … and no it’s definitely not fair. I wish calm, peace and comfort for you Jerome.

  2. Hannah says:

    I wish there was something, anything I could do, Jerome. This is all so far from fair that I can’t even understand it. I’m thinking of you, and sending love and hugs through the ether. xo

  3. Cristina says:

    I know you’re not into drugs but I wish there was some seriously good shit mixed with that oxygen.

  4. Judy says:

    Jerome, your posts lately are so hard – what can anyone say….
    just know we are thinking of you and your family

  5. Nicole says:

    I am praying for you and pray that things are peaceful for you, reach for God, talk to Him and have Faith

  6. claudia739 says:

    Oh Jerome it is just so awfully devastating to know what you are going through. You should be angry – it truly is so unfair and it makes me angry too. How terrible for you and your dear wonderful parents who are so generous and caring to see you suffering so much. Hope the hospital can give you some relief. We are all thinking of you. The Bellwoods

  7. Natalie Franco says:

    I think it goes without saying that your posts lately have been terribly painful for us all to read. And I think you know how much we all think about you Jerome. So don’t get mad, but I may have (temporarily) stolen your Champion juicer from Amelia’s Mom to attempt a juice fast dedicated to your bravery and determination. Amelia showed me how to use it and I’ll take extra special care of it for the next week and a half. Just wanted you to know that you’re still inspiring positivity during the darkest times.

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