I haven’t been so sad lately. I have been too sick to think about the situation. Plus I must admit that having some of the foods that I have missed has helped a bit. But I feel well today (relatively) and it took only the slightest trigger to bring me close to tears. A man interviewed on the news looked like a climber and suddenly all I could think about was the outdoors and the freedom that I have lost. Writing this now my eyes are swimming. It’s the same proceeds I am living over and over again. It feels a bit like groundhog day, I wake to the soulful sounds of my own grief remind me again and again what I had and how little I appreciated it. I can’t describe, despite many attempts, how much I wish I could feel the freedom I used to. I have lost it forever and it makes me so sad, and I can not escape it.