Over the last four days my breathing has got so much worse I almost can’t believe it. The last two nights after I have gone upstairs I have had to sit on my bed rasping away desperate to try and get enough air into my lungs. I have never been so scared. Death scares me but not as much as suffocation.  Especially slow suffocation. I am hoping that it is some sort of inflammatory process and it can be brought under control Sadly this has been probably the worst time for jess and amelia to leave.

Thinking about just fasting, until I’m better or dead. It can’t be worse than suffocating. Probably won’t do it as there are better options but just an indication of how much breathing is at the heart of our sense of being.